Big Me! Silly Us!

Finding Nemo

2011-10-15T23:04:00.000-07:00

This is the script I wrote for a little skit at the office for Diwali party. Our theme was "The Ocean". We did some fancy stuff with UV lights: there was complete dark, with the characters in the skit glowing. It was beautiful.
Will add some pictures shortly.

Drown yourself in the beauty of the ocean. The mystic ocean; it can be tender as the loving mother, yet when furious, can be destructive like a monster untamed. This ocean that you can not resist; its beauty, tranquility, serenity - something that you've longed to feel. Home to nature's most splendid and beautiful creations.

And in this splendor begins our story, with Nemo and Papa.
Nemo – a priceless little wonder,
And Papa - a loving father, and a brave, strong fish
A happy little family.
Travelling along the bed of the ocean, surrounded by all of nature's glory,
they had each other, and all was hunky-dory.

But perhaps nature had other plans. The ocean can be as cruel as it can be loving.

In came a shoal of sardines in all its might. (pause)
It did them apart and Nemo was out of sight.
Left Papa alone, quivering in fright
… for his son, Nemo.

"Nemo! Nemo!", did Papa wail.
“Nemo! Nemo!”, but to no avail.
Papa travelled day after day,
to find Nemo; there had to be a way.

He searched all he can, and asked everyone he could,
“Have you seen my boy?
He looks just like me, my little bundle of joy.”
The jelly fish said, “No” and was on its way,
Leaving Papa alone in dismay.

“Well hello!”, said the eel, an evil creature .
“Maybe I could help. What’s the matter?”
“I’ve lost my boy”, said Papa. “It has been 2 days”.
The eel said, “Why so serious? Let’s put a smile on that face“.
“I saw a bright little fish just like you.
Head towards north, you’ll find him in an hour or two,
right ahead of the coral so brilliant blue”.

Father’s joy knew no bounds.
His son Nemo, would finally be found.
He thanked the eel, and headed as directed,
with hope in his heart and spirits lifted.
He crossed the coral and thought, “My son must be near.
All thanks to the eel, that noble creature”.

But the eel was no noble creature.
Instead of his son, Papa found a ferocious shark, waiting for him.
It was a trap!
Papa swam for his life, as fast as he could in fear.
The shark was quicker and the end seemed near.

But nature has strange ways. Once again, came in the mighty shoal and passed from above them.
The shark left Papa, and headed in the shoal’s way.
It thought, “Why a little fish, when you have the whole buffet!”

Papa was saved. But wouldn’t rest till he found Nemo.
He continued to search, there was no way he’d let go.
Days passed by without a sign of his son.
“Maybe I’ve lost him forever”, he began to reckon.

Dolphins are kind and a sensitive lot.
They’re caring and helpful, and trouble you ever not.
“Hello friend!” said the dolphin, “You look sad!”
“ What is it that makes you feel bad?”
“My son is lost”, said Papa, with gloom in his eyes.
“Come with us, we have something that you might like”
Papa was not sure, but what else could he do?
He followed the dolphin, not knowing where to.

They swam till they reached a big white oyster, and they said “Look what we found!”
The oyster opened, it had something much more valuable than any pearl.
It was Nemo, his son – the joy of his life.

“Nemo!”, he exclaimed, “why were you hiding, and why did you go away?”
“I was scared Papa, I had lost my way.”
Father and son were finally together,
And yes, they lived happily ever after.

If - Rudyard Kipling

2011-04-28T05:16:00.000-07:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

Who inspires you?

2011-04-20T03:03:00.000-07:00

Here is a little story. It is about a lady that I met recently, through a program by Nirmaan (an NGO that I am a part of, though not as much as I’d like to be).

She is a very rich woman, one of the richest I’ve met. And I look up to her with awe. This is a story of her strength.

Wajida Khatun works as a peon in a school in Kurnool. Abandoned by her husband about 15 years ago, she works as a housemaid after school hours to raise money for her children’s (a son and a daughter) education. Both are pursuing CA, with the elder one appearing the final required exam this November. The girl, the younger of the two, is about 2 years away from her CA. Wajida Khatun is in great financial distress, but that’s not what this is about. Like I said, this isn’t a sad story that exploits her distress to evoke sympathy. This is a story of the strength of spirit.

With a monthly salary of Rs 4,000, educating her kids has never been easy, especially the past couple of years; since coaching for CA isn’t cheap. The lady is strong and has worked hard: done rounds of banks, approached various charitable funds, borrowed from relatives, and cleaned extra houses to try to bear the expenses. In fact, very recently, the lady had a big argument with the manager of the local SBI branch :). She approached Nirmaan last year and availed a scholarship for her daughter, Ruhi.

On a journey back to Kurnool, she met a girl in the train. The girl had a story of her own: disabled from both legs, had no father, her mother was a coolie; the girl had scored a good rank in the state engineering entrance examination, had completed her first year with good scores, but was on the verge of discontinuing education due to lack of money. Wajida Khatun told her to mail her bio-data and a letter mentioning the amount she needed (Rs. 6,000), so that she could apply for a scholarship for her. A couple of days later when Wajida Khatun did receive her bio-data, the first thing she did was take it to her school and appeal to her colleagues, and the teachers and students to donate for the girl. The next day, she instructed her son to appeal in the college he studies at. Together, the mother and son collected around Rs. 7,500 for the girl.

Wajida Khatun then personally went to the girls place and gave her the money collected. The humbled girl and her mother said, “God has appeared to us in you and helped us”. To which, Wajida Khatun replies, “God has helped you through me, like He has helped me and my kids through others”. I too am humbled by her faith and gratitude. She pledges that once her son gets a job, she would donate half of her salary every month from the school to Nirmaan (I was humbled further; a half of your salary when you're earning just 4,000 is a mighty big deal) so that other deserving families may benefit, and also to enroll her son as a volunteer at Nirmaan.

Wajida Begum never exhibits any form of weakness in any of the conversations I have with her. She always smiles and laughs, often jokes and is livelier than most. In human goodness and strength of spirit, she is indeed rich. And she isn't the only one; there are many more great people out there. You don’t have to turn to the newspaper or the television for heroic stories of strength or courage for inspiration. Inspiration is much closer to you than you think.

Me?

2011-02-28T11:46:00.000-08:00

I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn.

I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn.

I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn.

I can't be the only one who has noticed.

I can't be the only one who has learned.

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately.

I don't want to be anything other than me.

What, me worry?

2009-02-22T01:14:00.000-08:00

Alfred E. Neuman

If in my life, I ever had a role model, or was deeply influenced by one single person; Alfred E. Neuman would be that person. "A face that doesn't have a care in the world, except mischief. "

Another way to die

2009-02-20T22:40:00.000-08:00

Ending your life is definitely the biggest and the last event that affects it. Do it with style. And since you've already shown a lot of courage by deciding to take your life, why ruin it by going for the painless and swift way?

Aim: self- strangling

What you need: Hands

How to do it:
Not complicated enough to have a "special technique". You just need to put your hands around the neck and start strangling.

Problems encountered:
Strangling yourself with your own hands has long been considered impossible because when your body stops getting enough oxygen, you pass out. Now passing out while strangling yourself is the worst thing that can happen to you. It is like failing at failing. Man are you a failure then! You're the one who has to deal with the embarrassment of people finding you on the floor in your own drool and your hair all dishevelled (remember to comb your hair beforehand). They take you to the hospital where the doctors are so disappointed in you, that one of them might try to strangle you. And if they don't, give me a call; I will. The late Sillius Soddus strangled himself to death. Or was it rabies? Who cares!

Manliness rating: 9 on 10

Holding your breath is another cool alternative. It is very similar to strangling yourself, but the difficulty level is much harder. Harder than Hindi is for Sushant Gangidi. But here is a 3-step guide for those of you who want to do it right now.

Step 1: Hold your breath
Step 2: Wait for 10 minutes
Step 3: If you're reading this, you have failed. Go strangle yourself.

Brand new year, eh?

2008-12-31T10:53:00.000-08:00

Reasons why you should celebrate New Year:

1. Everyone else is celebrating. So why shouldn't you follow?
2. The year 2009 is going to be great. The astrologer on Aaj Tak said this will be a prosperous one for you (provided that you wear yellow underpants).
3. You get to write a new and better date! You see, 2009 > 2008; a bigger number, a better number!
4. You will no longer be a scumbag this year, like you were for the whole of the previous year and the years before that.
5. You get to make a "new year resolution", things like: I'll try to be less of a jackass/ snob/ imbecile/ loser/ otiose waste/ sucker/ pessimist (whatever suits you), and fool yourself to hope and feel good about yourself.
6. What's a better way to end the Gregorian year than to help the restaurants, pubs, etc. earn some money to start rich the next year?
7. You get to see more girls in the New Year Special Edition of The Times of India.

Happy New Year!

Annoying things

2008-12-10T09:21:00.000-08:00

Noisy eaters/ people who chew noisily
Euphemisms

People reading over your shoulder
Water in the ears after a bath
People who say,"That's obvious" or "What else do you expect?" after everything you say (the "wise guys"; I'd sentence them to death by a firing squad)

When people start saying something, stop midway and then say “Forget it" (this should be made a punishable offense)
Nails scratching against a chalkboard
Leaky pens ruining your hands and your pocket
People asking some really stupid questions during a stupid lecture.
Ekta Kapoor serials/soaps ( God save humankind!)
Shopkeepers who are rude (esp. one particular grumpy old man at a gift store in B.I.T.S, Pilani)
“Dudes” with long hair.
The Teletubbies (the name says it all!)
Himesh Reshamiya and his nasal overtones (usually of the tenth order)
Himesh Reshamiya fans
Having to repeat yourself over and over and over and over and over ….
Talent hunts and reality television.
Stepping/ sitting on chewing gum
People who worship their favourite actors and can't take a word against them (movie over-enthusiasts too).

When you have a long way to walk and your footwear breaks.

Stepping into something wet, with your socks on
Beauty pageants (pointless, unless you want a few more bad actresses)
Websites that require horizontal scrolling.

People smoking at a nearby table, at a restaurant, when you're having your food (No thanks! We're fine without the free smoke).

When you ask someone to help you decide, and the reply is “Do what you think is best.” (that’s probably the dumbest reply possible)
Snobs. (very, very, very annoying)
People who overuse slang.

When at a gathering, two people just can’t stop whispering in each others’ ears and giggling. Intolerable when they are a couple and are sitting right beside you.
When both your hands are busy, and a fly just can’t stay away from your nose.
When you’re trying to teach someone and the person can’t understand even the simplest of things. More irritating when the person doesn’t pay any attention at all.
Hypocrites! (very difficult to not be one though)
When someone belches loudly.
The so called “metro-sexual” guys.
You’re out with someone, who finds someone else and they just can’t stop talking.
The internet speed at B.I.T.S, Pilani.
When you are given 4 chocolates or chewing gum instead of 4 rupees.
People lying over petty things
People who just can’t accept that they’re wrong, despite knowing it, and say anything to prove their point.
Guys who grow nails, and even paint them!

U.C.O bank and its staff.

People who use profanities to express surprise or to exclaim (Yup! You too).

Aaj Tak and Star News

If you feel that I have missed some important points, or would like to append to the list, or would like to share your own list, please use the comments section. Write down anything that annoys you.